I woke up Saturday morning and knew immediately what had to be done. Disappointing the love of my life was not an option today. Sure I was a disappointment to her on several levels, but today was going to be different. I knew what my mission was and I chose to accept it. Today I had to bring it because today we were going to annual Candy Dance Arts & Crafts Faire. A two-day arts and crafts fair with over 300 craft and food vendors where thousands of people are drawn to the little town of Genoa, Nevada. And today, come hell or high water, I was going to be numbered among those folks because that is how my baby wanted to spend our Saturday morning.
After quickly eating a breakfast bar and downing a bunch of milk, I ran upstairs and jumped into the shower, but not before visualizing my shower, so there was no wasted motion. A little scrub here and a little scrub there, some shampoo, just enough to create a tiny lather, a quick rinse and then I was out. I would skip shaving and blow drying my beautiful nut brown hair this morning. While wifey was getting ready, I did some quick stretching and some rhythmic calisthenics, grabbed some waters, and put out the dogs. And we were ready to go to the freakin’ Candy Dance!
Oh the drive there was pleasant enough. We were in pretty gay spirits and this made it easy for us to set some goals for the Candy Dance. We had agreed we’d lay off the Christmas crafts, the rustic dried flowers arrangements, homeopathic lavender soaps, whimsical birdhouses, celtic toe rings, and cute wood carved animals and strictly focus on Halloween crafts and fudge. About 2 or 3 miles out from the Candy Dance traffic slowed to crawl, but that was okay nothing was going to dampen the spirits I had worked so hard to create for this event. I could do this….Forty minutes later, we finally got to the gosh darn field that was being used as a parking lot. The volunteer staff was amazingly sharp and got us to a parking spot that was super far away from the event.
About half way through our hike to the event, I realized drinking so much milk in the morning was a real bad idea and so was wearing jeans. I was simultaneously hot and thirsty and recognized this as the early onset of dehydration. Dehydration normally puts me in a bad mood, but not today because-dad gum it-I kept telling myself this was the friggin’ Candy Dance, an arts and crafts fair like none other.
As we neared the Candy Dance entrance, I noticed that I wasn’t going to be the only guy there. In fact, there were lots of men going to this craft fair and some actually looked like they were happy. And there were all types of men there. There we’re men in Birkenstocks, men in tie-dyes, there were body-builders and war veterans in attendance, but the most surprising were the biker dudes and the rocker dudes with obscene sayings on their black t-shirts. But hey, sometimes you got to do what your old lady wants you to because when your old lady is not happy nobody is happy.
My wife and I were very methodical. We went up and down the rows upon row of arts and crafts booths, noticing which ones were popular as well as taking stock of the newer art and crafts trends, making arts and crafts out of mee-ma’s old silver spoon and tea sets seemed very popular. We were very self-controlled and waited until we had seen all the booths before buying the crafts we had wanted. And for once, we also laid off the large lemonades and the deep-fried Twinkies and bacon-wrapped turkey this year.
Finally, after wandering under the Sun’s heat for two hours with thousands of other hot and sweaty arts and crafts connoisseurs, we made our purchases and got out of Dodge. Cranking up the air conditioning, I asked my wife if she was hungry. She told me since I had sacrificed to go the fair, it was my choice. Normally, this would not be a big deal and I would choose Jimmy John’s, but ever since the Cecil the Lion incident, my wife has researched all these other people who were big game hunters and wouldn’t you know it the owner of Jimmy John’s was a big game hunter. Since that time I’ve had to choose between being loyal to my wife or being loyal the #12 Beach Club. And I have been faithful. But, to be fair this time around, I did go to the Candy Dance. Lucky for me, my wife had pity on me again and I got the #12.