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Dear Father,

I am writing from my high tower today.  I’m so high I can nearly touch the sky. The tower is built on shifting sands, but don’t you worry none there’s plenty of sand if this sand should wash away. Presently, you’d be proud of me, I am all grown up and am ready to go it alone. I have no doubts and I am equipped with data, popular opinion and the backing of the most popular actors and celebrities, people who pretend for a living. Imagine that.

Faith, truth, and reason don’t mean much anymore. It’s all about emotions, perceptions and the lonely autonomous individual’s will and the need to recklessly impose it on every other human being. This is my new brave world, Father. Because, you know, if you feel it, it must be a right, and it must become a right, God be damned…

My new found faith can be best summed up by the empty and airy phrase “Just Believe”-thank you Disney. A blind belief without purpose or direction, to be defended at all costs, despite it’s depressing end. Or in the words of the overly ambitious MacBeth, “A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

I know it sounds confusing, but trust me I know what I am doing. I’m very earnest and full of vim and good intentions.

Before we say our final goodbyes, I don’t want you to think me a philistine, I am thankful for all that you’ve done for me up until this point. I want to first thank you for the universe and the countless galaxies, planets (and Pluto), asteroids, and other endless creations.  I want to thank you for all the laws we’ve discovered that rule the motions and properties of these celestial bodies.

I want to thank you for time. Time that devours all things, the “birds, beasts, trees, flowers and gnaws iron, bites steel; grinds hard stones to meal, slays kings, ruins town, and beat mountains down.”

Time given to us to live, love, and grow and become a better person every day. I want to thank you for the seasons, I want to thank you for Spring, Summer, Winter, and Fall. Thanks for orbiting the earth around the sun and making that happen. And thanks for rotating the earth on its own axis and separating the day from the night. I don’t even know how one does that. Great idea, though.

I want to thank you for mountains, plains, swamps, bogs, forest, lilies of the field and others flowers, shrubs, grasses, and even the tundra. Thanks for the oceans, seas, rivers, streams, lakes and of course waterfalls. I want to thank you for the birds, fishes and the beasts. Dinosaurs, saber-tooth tigers, horned beavers and mammoths were cool. Sharks, snakes and spiders are okay.

Thank you for Humans. Messy and complicated, life would never be the same without Humans. Thank you for families, thank you for Moms and Dads, thank you for brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, relatives, kin, and friends. Thank you for creating men, but most of all thank you for creating women. Nailed it! Thank you for creating relationships that allow us to get a glimpse of what heavens is and allow us to get to know Thee. A Black Derby or Bowler HatThanks for the Truth. Thanks for all truths, spiritual and scientific. Thanks for giving purpose to our learning and living. Thanks for all truths that make us better and increase our joy in this life even when things go bad. Thanks for Freedom. Thanks for the freedom to seek and apply truths imperfectly, the freedom to fail and then get back up again and try again. Thanks for the freedom to experiment and gain wisdom along the way.

Having said all of that- I am sure I missed something- I think I am ready to go my own way now and create my own moral universe. I am ready to turn everything upside down, turn everything from fair to foul and redefine right and wrong. Discount truth and own up to no lie. It’s time to say goodbye to prayer, faith, obedience and repentance to an unknown God (or at least we could pretend that we never met. Remember this is my fiction, my fantasy world.)

Having read your “good” books, I don’t think you really mean what you say when you handed out your list of do’s and don’ts. Not to say you don’t know what you’re doing. I mean thou shalt not kill is a good one.  But good God, taking your name in vain, lying, envying, stealing, idol worshipping and coveting seem a little harsh as absolutes. They are more like a will-o’-the wisp more than anything else. It was said of old that we should also learn to avoid lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. Especially pride because it precedes the fall, whatever that means. But, those virtues hurt my sensitive modern ears, seem outdated and threaten to repress all of my passions, appetites, and desires that have be expressed for me to be my extraordinarily mundane self (Sorry self, its true.)

In my brave new world, I prefer to replace those virtues with an updated list that have very little to do with improving a person’s soul. The following are my new virtues, my new powder and pills:

  1. Freedom (do what you want);
  2. Convenience (experience no bad consequences for one’s actions and take no responsibility for anything bad);
  3. Progress (change for the sake of change);
  4. Equality (equality of results, despite apparent differences)
  5. Authenticity (I want to be different just like everyone else);
  6. Health (Body Worship);
  7. Nonjudgmentalism (Do not think for yourself or think apart from the crowd; never question someone else’s feelings and never question their choices or behavior).

Of course, to be consistently relative, these virtues are not absolute and are subject to changes in whim and power to ensure constant confusion and more importantly to unintentionally crush the weak and poor. Because in our secular societies one thing is for sure good folk must pay at the hands of the unwise.

So Father this is it, I am off to “eat, drink, and be merry”.  Time for me to start my new religion, purge my body and humor my mind. See you on the other side where all “shall be well with us” and we’ll play our harps in that rockin’ angel band.

Love Junior