I’ll be honest and speak soberly, but there are some Sunday mornings when I do want to go to Church. It’s not because of any major crisis of faith or doubt. It’s partly because I have a bad case of the lazies. My spirit and flesh are spent by Sunday and there are times when I am in desperate need of a recharge. And yes, I usually bring this on myself staying up late watching TV or reading—a bad habit. For the Lord saith: “retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary.” Not only a bad habit, but a minor sin unless, of course, it leads to bigger sins, then I have a lot more explaining to do.
I know I am a sinner, but being a modern sometimes I find that thought inconveniently simple and unsophisticated. Contradicting, the K.I.S.S. principle (Keep It Simple Stupid) I like to frequently cite at work to my colleagues about their ideas and schemes. Based on my own “unbiased” observations, the more complicated a scheme at work becomes the more it stinketh. It seems the more complicated the plan becomes the less it seems to be grounded in reality. More and more it becomes some version of someone’s unintentionally cruel fancy based on a degree of corrupting vanity and greed. A fancy that ignores future consequences as it is imposed on those who have to carry it out and those who are considered it’s direct “beneficiaries”.
And so it is with me, based on some form of selfishness and self-deception, I hold on to my favorite sins, denying any form or shadow of what is real. But then comes Sunday when I am forced to look in the mirror and I am aghast at the feckless monster staring impishly back at me. One of my biggest problems I have is that I do let work invade my life more than I should because it is so demanding. This ends up making me boorishly one-dimensional, a self-centered glutton, a spiritual Jabba the Hut. And I think, perchance I could have given more, which typically is the case as I reflect on the unuttered prayers, the scriptures that went unread, the faith that went unexercised, the repentance that was postponed, the patience untried, the services not rendered, and the words unmeasured because I let work relentless dominate during the week.
Heck, my inability to wear more than one hat even reduces my ability to be a decent husband, father, sibling, friend and citizen. I sometimes feel as if I am sleepwalking through my own false consciousness. Sure I was busy at work, but I was not awake or alive to the humanity, to the fellow spirits, that surround me.
Work is an eternal principle that is certain. It is an attribute of God and one required of man. But, it is not the only eternal principle, He also requires us to acquire depths of mercy, patience, understanding, kindness, honesty, generosity and other principles that all lead us to be wise and to love all completely and unconditionally. I do sincerely belief this, but I just don’t like it when I have to apply it to myself and be reminded of and grapple with how big gap is between the truth and how I live my life, or be reminded that unwittingly I’ve made a Faustian bargain during the week, a barter poorly made, as I prepare myself for another Sunday.