Blue Spider's Coffee House

Truth, Love, Beauty and all things Virtuous


May 2013

A Few Tidbits About Marriage

First of all, it’s a lot better than dating.

Second, over time you are definitely going to irritate your spouse a lot during the marriage. I would say after the first year, they will probably find you irritating more than 50% percent of the time. But remember, it’s their problem most of the time and they need to deal with it, suck it up and take one for team because you are you and you can’t help it. Plus in the long run it makes everybody better when they have to suffer a little bit.

Third, when you are irritating them more than the normal 50%, like upwards to 60% or 70% of the time, that is when you need go to get some crape paper and marking pens and make up some homemade coupons. Coupons for hugs, pancake breakfasts, a shave and a shampoo, or even to clean up the kitchen a few more times than you usually do, seem to take the edge off and usually will pacify everybody for a little while. They are a big hit in our house, and sometimes I even make up coupons offering mental or emotional discounts.

Sometimes, though I change things up and offer Dale dollars. So if my wife treats my well during the week, buys the right kind of groceries, or cleans up the house more often, then she earns Dale dollars. And, then she can cash those in at any time when I am being a real bugger around the house.

Homemade coupons go a long way towards getting your spouse to tolerate your presence in their personal space and are a must in any successful couple’s marriage toolkit.

Uncritical Darwinism: Forced Theory, Observation and Common Sense

I have to admit that my sister, God bless her, has convinced me through her persistent art of persuasion not to outright dismiss evolution. While this still holds true, I believe evolution has to be critically examined, especially when it has become the foundation for much of our social policy.

The following are selections from S. Adam Seagrave’s article, Evolution and the Eye Test which makes a good a case for why evolution needs to be critically examined. One of those reasons states Seagrave is that one of Darwin’s underlying premises in The Origin of Species was that observation and common sense be suspended while theory, a limited view of reality, be allowed to prevail.

Seagrave comments:

“While our senses might not be infallible, there is little to think they are outright deceptive. And while we shouldn’t reject evolutionary theory because it contradicts our ordinary sensory experience of the world, we should be wary of committing the opposite mistake [accepting all points of evolution despite their contradictions to our ordinary sensory experiences]….Regardless of whether Darwin is right [about natural selection], the fact remains we clearly see fixed and distinct species existing in ordered hierarchical beauty, not the fluid and formless continuity his theory depicts. As far as we know from direct observation and recorded history, trees seem to have always been trees, starfish to have always been starfish, squirrels to have always been squirrels, and human beings to have always been human beings. Species appear to have fixed and ordered relationships with one another and to fit together in a rational way, and not lie on a disorganized continuum….”

To me, the actual observation of evolution occurring is probably the theory’s biggest shortcomings. There has been no actual observation of evolution occurring in the past or present. What I am saying is no one has ever seen one species evolve into another species or a higher species.

Apparently, evolution is something that happens collectively to a species and not individually and it takes forever to happen. If that were not the case, I would imagine we would see within species some individuals being more evolved than others–we should see some chimpanzees or monkeys more upright than others. Possibly, we’d some developing more sophisticated tools than others. Or, others with more developed and sophisticated speech and reasoning than others. Despite this lack of observation, its is a must that we take it on faith that sometime in the distant future, maybe millions or billions of years away from now, that collectively all chimps or monkeys will be more like us or even fully human. In that day, when they do evolve, we are expected to believe they will be building up their own suburban neighborhoods, sipping Pinot Noir, reading Shakespeare, and democratically electing their own leaders. I know I am not the smartest monkey of the bunch, but it all seems a little too implausible given what I’ve been able to observe about evolution so far. I am not even sure if chimps or monkey buy into it either.

Thank Goodness for Snow Days: Time Well Spent

Of all the running around and touring we did the first couple of days, yesterday was the most enjoyable day of Andrew’s visit, an additional day of vacation due to a previous snow day in Grass Valley.

We just hung out with each other taking turns beating the heck out of each other playing NBA 2K2013 and Madden NFL 2013. Neither of us lost our tempers or became impatient with the video games even when we were constantly going out of bounds, being sacked or intercepted, or kept missing shots and free throws. Andrew dominates the basketball games. He has a tendency to make obscure bench players, almost always point guards, superstars during these games. I can’t stand being schooled by the likes of Keyon Dooling or Sebastian Telfair. It’s so unrealistic. It’s blatantly obvious that Play Station was clueless when they wrote the algorithms for these players. But, I grin and bear it as my superstar players can’t hit anything, even simple lay ups while Andrew’s bench players are getting off the chart dunk intensity scores. But, it’s the trash talking and joking around that I enjoy and I can tell its Andrews favorite part of the games as well.

Affirming Life and One’s Right to It

To date, I have not written anything on abortion, but the recent case against Kermit Grosnell, a physician in Philadelphia well known for providing abortions for poor minority and immigrant women, who was found guilty of murdering three babies born alive in his abortion clinic as well as being found guilty for involuntary manslaughter in the overdose death of an adult patient, brings up some fundamental issues I have always had with the logic or the basic common sense lacking in the abortion argument.

I have never been able to comprehend how the minds of some of our best and brightest (not wisest) doctors, health care providers, policymakers, judges, and politicians can split hairs and separate the life of a fetus from the life of a baby or how they can put the right of a women to do what she wants with her body above the right of a child to live once conceived. It is unclear to me how the right to abortion is a victory for women or how it advances the cause of women. I do get that there are times when abortion may be necessary such as in the cases of rape, incest or serious physical danger to the mother, but other than that, to me one has to totally deny their life-affirming conscience to advocate, promote, politic and practice abortion. Abortion is not a celebration of life or the happy exercise of one’s rights, but a sad solution to a larger problem. Abortion is like treating cancer with chicken soup.

As many a bumper sticker factually state: “As a former fetus, I oppose abortion”, I find it difficult for me to understand how one comfortably makes a distinction between killing a 12 week old fetus and killing a 12 week old baby. In both cases a life was taken, one just a little earlier than the other. Nullifying a life in a womb, nullifies any chance of a life outside of the womb; you cannot have life period without first being conceived and having a life in a womb. The only logic that can be applied to make this distinction is both mean and twisted.

It is inconceivable to me that all of my family members’ and friends’ right to life was secondary to our mothers’ reproductive rights and it is only by some luck of fate that mercifully our mothers chose life over abortion. Can you imagine making comments like “if only they were a fetus…” or “if you were a fetus, I would take you out” or holding up political signs that say: “fetuses are inconvenient and are a drain on our limited resources”. How dark, silly and offensive are those statements, but these are the statements that can be made straight from the mother logic used to support abortion. Kermint Grosnell’s excesses, beyond just what he was convicted for, were a direct result of this inhuman logic.

I can’t help but believe that at some point as a society our collective conscience did not somehow get stunted. Could it be our emphasis on lust over love? Could it be our obsession with all things sexual– sexual freedoms (whatever that may mean), sexual technique, sexual orientation–over sexual boundaries? Or could it be more general, our emphasis on rights without responsibilities, or our fantasy that actions should not carry consequences, consequences often out of our control. It’s hard to tell, but to me it seems that abortion is not indicative of a progressive civilization celebrating life, but a shadow of a civilization regressing into selfishness and brutality with a very low value placed on life. We have to come up with better policies than abortion for a woman’s plight when she has an unwanted pregnancy. We have to be more supportive of life no matter how it comes to us.

Average Joe vs. Mom’s Viewpoint

Despite what my mother still tells me, as all good mothers should, I am hopelessly, normal, plain, short, white, and average. Only a Mom could see an average guy as a something special. I think it’s their ability to read into our hearts, and sense our eternal character and nature that allows them to seem recklessly disillusioned, yet correct, when the rest of us are realistically off. Thank goodness for mothers! As someone once said everybody deserves a parent that is absolutely crazy about them, even when they are adults.

Despite my supernatural, superpower to be just commonplace, I do find that it is life and our relationships to family and friends that are extraordinary. It is the built-in genius of life’s challenges, joys, pains, loves, passions, sorrows, and adversities that push me to be slightly above average from time to time.

From an UnHeat Fan: The Pacers will Not Upset the Heat

I am not sure if the sports media just has nothing to talk about during the intervening days between the start of the Heat/Pacers series, and maybe it’s fun to speculate about “what if’s” when you have to fill up air time and cyberspace with content, but be rest assured the Pacers will not beat the Heat in this series.

I say this because I believed the underdog Pacers would upset the Heat last year, the Pacers had the Heat where they wanted them, with no Chris Bosh and up 2 games to 1, but then the Pacers lost the next three games by 8, 32, and 12. For anyone, like me, who loves team ball, the underdog, small markets, and anything to do with Indiana basketball, the Pacers are a sucker pick—don’t buy it. The bottom line is the NBA is all about talented, mature grade A individual players surrounding themselves with the right role players.

The problem with the Pacers is that they are a very talented bunch of grade B players, but they do not have any grade A players. They do not have anybody who can consistently take over a game and set the tone offensively and defensively night after night. Don’t mistake the Pacers victory over the Knicks as any more than a victory over an inferior team. I watched the Knicks play the D-League Celtics and struggle. The Knicks have one grade A one-sided star player, but the overall talent drops off precipitously after that.

On the other hand, Miami has one grade overall AAA player in LeBron James who plays not only lights out offense, but lights out defense, and is inherently an unselfish player looking to help others make plays and they also have a grade A player in Dwayne Wade. Chris Bosh is not slouch either. Much like Michael Jordan, LeBron James has started to hit his stride as a great player with that uncanny ability to make the Norris Coles’, the Mario Chalmers’, and Mike Millers’ all look like Grade B players when they are really Grade C or Grade D players on any other team. The Heat like the Pacers have just as much or more team chemistry, but ultimately it’s talent that wins out. Having a player or two who are nearly unstoppable always tips a series to the more talented team, just ask the Denver Nuggets who got beat out by Stephen Curry and the rest of the Golden State Warriors.

The Shepherds Had An Angel

The shepherds had an angel,
The wise men had a star,
But what have I, a little child,
To guide me home from far,
Where glad stars sing together,
And singing angels are?

–Christina Georgina Rosetti, 1830-1894

Marian the Contrarian vs. Planet Nematode

In efforts to be comfortable, to get a long, to be peacemakers, and to be team players we all struggle to balance our own individuality. We do not want to become contrarians, contentious naysayers, dysfunctional and toxic to the marriage, family, team functionality and productivity, but in doing so we risk becoming yes-men, stooges, toadies, and ennabling bootlickers, losing ourselves in the personality, wants, and desires of others. Neither option seems to bring much peace of mind. Oh, the quandries and quagmires of life such as they are, puzzle and mystify us to doubt and despair, and defeatist plateaus, but to not know everything or every mystery of life and our relationships to others and our worlds should not cloud are faith and hope and patience, virtues needed to abide the storm and maintain the ascent.

Derrida’s Tortured Post Modern Tortugas

Draw Near Me
And hopefully I won’t break;
Never born to be coy;
Mercilessly timid and shy
By and by, Come and Approach
The world’s most self-absorbed
Desperately, destructive
lonely post modern boy

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